Day 16: Taking a break

Hello all. It has been a week of no goals as I was sick and lazy. However, I finally read a book that was just for the pleasure of reading, and am starting another today, so I'm technically working on my goal of 5 books for fun.

As I mentioned last time, my letter was sent, and received. The receiver finally got to see how I feel about our dissolution, and I think he gets it. We're no longer talking.

I was unable to order my sketchbook as it's not open for business yet. The tour for this year's sketchbooks has just started, so that is the focus for the moment.

I attempted to get a ticket to a TED event in LA, but those things are $2,500 minimum! What a joke. Apparently, only the rich are allowed to be intellectually stimulated. Pffft, I say.

I'll be attending a film festival this weekend, and am looking forward to checking that off my list. They're all silent films, including the film that inspired Disney's Snow White, and a film by the director of Nosferatu. It should be interesting, if I can stay awake.

Day 9: Heartfelt

Today, I completed my third task:

  5) Send a letter

I sent a letter to my friend of 6 years, who is, as of two days ago, no longer my friend. It was a very difficult decision for me to come to, but I feel it is for the best. When I wrote my list up a few days ago, a few of the items were actually for him: send a letter, send art, etc. He'd been on my mind a lot recently, as our friendship was dissolving. I had every intention of doing my best to rekindle and revive what we had. Unfortunately, it wanted to die.

So I sent him my good-byes instead.

Thanks again, Amanda Palmer, for finding the write *wink wink* song for every major life decision: "Smile (Pictures or it Didn't Happen)". And thanks, Chumbawumba, for being there when the letter was written, and sealed, to remind me that, even though this friendship is over, I'm not: "Tubthumping".

Day 8 of 101: Task 2

I've done it! Another task!

I wrote my list of 100 songs I could listen to forever. It's three pages long, but it's worth it. I learned quite a bit from it. I basically went through my top played songs on iTunes and collected those I could listen to (and often have) on repeat without going mad. Not too many uber happy, upbeat tunes. Lots of Modest Mouse, Fever Ray, Laura Viers, some Coheed and Cambria, Fleetwood Mac, The Shins, and more. Chumbawumba made the list!

If you'd like me to post it, let me know. You might learn of a great new song? Who knows.

Today, I might start another task, but have yet to decide which.

I've done it!

I've completed one thing on my list! My first thing!

   13) Write a letter to myself to be opened after the 1001 days


I feel very accomplished. I just need to put it in an envelope and hide it! When I open it in 995 days, I'll post it here for everyone to read, but until then, it's a surprise!

I'm also working on my novel. It's coming along, which is exciting, but I need to keep my goals in mind. I'm the sort of writer who goes off on tangents about what one outfit looks like, and suddenly, I'm drawing up a full wardrobe for a character and nothing else is happening. I find this odd, as I hate description, so why would I write so damn much of it?

Also, I'm not sure about this 5000 question survey. It's a lot of livejournal/myspace crap that would have been fine if I were 13, or my friend Hailey, but for me? I don't know. I've added a few buffer goals to my list just in case!

Just a quick post for today to declare my accomplishment. As ever, the food and music blog continues. 

Day 5 of 101

I apologize for not updating sooner. I meant to have something to come back and say, "Look what I did!", but I don't. I have been struck with a nasty cold, and sleep took priority. That said, I have all day today to myself, so I intend to work on a few goals!

In addition to the previously mentioned goals that I mentioned in my blog, I also intend to do some work towards a few more goals:

  4) Complete the sketchbook project
  21) Write a novel

Today, I'll be ordering my sketchbook for the sketchbook project through Art House Co-op. Every year, they host dozens of art projects to go on tour national, and sometimes internationally. I haven't completed a sketchbook in a few years, so I need to start as early as possible!

I'll also be working on a book I started writing a while ago. It's nothing fancy; just a cheesy romance novel.

I continue to work on my food and music journal, though I think I may have missed a day already. Being sick ruins everything.

Have a great day!

Starting Fresh with 101!

I haven't used this blog in a long time, and things have happened. But to be honest, that's not what this is about anymore. I'm not going to sit down and write about what happened after my last post, or even why I posted it. I'm getting back to what my blog was meant to be about, and that's MAKING SHIT HAPPEN, yo!

Today, I finished my new 101 things in a 1001 days list, which is what it sounds like; you do 101 things from a list within 1001 days. Last year, I was 35% successful, which isn't bad for the first time. This time, I'm looking for 75%. My goals are more do-able this year, and I think equally fun.

So now, I shall use this blog to complete on of my 101 things! Number 97, blog about each 101 thing. One thing down! See? I set up my list this way on purpose. It's sort of cheating, maybe, but it's also kind of fun to see how many items on the list you can complete in one go.

Today will be a big push. I'm going to try to start a few items.
     5) Send a letter
   13) Write a letter to myself to be opened after the 1001 days
   25) Document my music tastes over a year
   27) Listen to a new artist everyday for a month
   31) Send homemade art to a friend
  46) Journal regularly
  61) Start a food journal
  67) Save $10 for every task I complete
  94) Send a message in a bottle
  97) Blog about each 101 thing (previously mentioned)
  98) Complete the 5000 Question Survey

Now that sounds like a lot, and it probably is, but, some I've already started and some art inter-linked. Let me explain.

Numbers 25, 27, 46, and 61 will all be part of the same journal. I'm going to keep a journal that includes my food journal, song of the day, and for the first month, it must be bands/artists that are new to me. Easy enough? Maybe.

I'm going to be completing numbers 5 and 13 together, but I'm also writing a letter to a friend that I'll be putting in a bottle as a joke, so that also gets number 94 done. I plan to make the bottle into number 31, if not including another piece of art (I owe someone a Christmas gift).

I'm going to start that 5000 questions today, and keep a tally of my debt to myself here too. I have no cash handy at the moment, so I'll start 67 soon, but keep tabs today.

I also intend to document the lovelier and more visual items for this blog. Don't worry; bad art included.

That's it for now. I'll update tomorrow with my progress!

I'm excited!

Yours truly,
Martha

Abuser

I wanted to quickly discuss some thoughts of abuse. Although this topic is not one that I think can be surmised quickly, it's not one I want to dwell extensively on either.

Last night, I became the victim of domestic abuse. My abuser is currently in jail.

I have always been someone to live on the edge. I often put myself in high risk situations. I knew my boyfriend was not emotionally stable, but this wasn't a situation where I thought I was living with any amount of risk. I was mistaken.

I don't want to discuss what happened. It's not something that I think needs to be advertised. There enough stories out there without adding my own.

Obviously, this isn't something I've moved on from, or even know how to deal with. I've always prided myself on being such a strong individual. I almost never cry. I can hold my own in a verbal beat down. But last night, my strength was over powered. I have never cried so long or so hard in my life. I have never been at such a loss for words. I felt broken.

As I waited for the police to arrive, I cleaned. I wondered if this was normal; if this is what women who have been broken by abuse do. I wondered if I was trying to erase the signs, even though nothing I was cleaning was at all related to what happened. I knew better than to touch that. I wondered if I was trying to prove myself to the police who would ultimately be my saviors. If my cleaning was an effort to show them I was a good person, that I was the sort of person who was too good to be abused.

Isn't everyone to good to be abused? This didn't cross my mind then.

As I retold what happened to the officer, I recalled all that had been discussed in my recent psychology class. Every time you remember something, it becomes tainted by your current perspective. It is never totally accurate. Fighting more tears, I worried that my memories were wrong. That something had been changed as I recounted the events, or forgotten entirely.

I could hear the other side of the story being told down the hall. He would yell things for my benefit. Whether he wanted me to agree to his version, or make sure the officer I was working with questioned my story, I'm not sure. I heard him lie. I heard him play down what happened. I heard him lay on the story of his hardships as though what he had done to me didn't matter compared to his plight.

The officer with me was very kind. He seemed to recognize the game. He only responded to it with more than words of reassurance.

I hope that every person who is dealing with abuse has someone like that.

When I apologized to the officer for having to walk a quarter mile in knee high snow to get to my house at 2 am, he told me I wasn't the one who owed anyone an apology.

He is the reason I did not cry myself to sleep.

I am not a weak person. I am not a stupid person. I am not a possession. I am not a whipping post. I am not undesirable. I am not worthless.

I hope jail finds the man well. I am sure I will be more than comfortable without him.