Answers and Frustration

On Friday, I received the results of my sleep study. 256 electrodes, 4 naps, and 1 night later, I am no closer to an answer. Most of my test results came back normal, which is on the one hand a good thing, but on the other, I still feel like crap and do not know why or what to do to feel better again. The doctor believes I just need more sleep than most people, and I now have to sleep 10 hours a day. I can return in 3 months for a follow up appointment.

Admittedly, I got emotional. I am not an emotional person. In fact, I'm apathetic to most things. It takes a lot to get an emotional response from me, but this did it. I was so frustrated that after 2 years of testing, of sickness, and struggle, I was back to square one. Actually, I'm further back than square one. At least when this all started, we could brainstorm what it could be. This sleep test was really my last idea.

Although I don't want to be narcoleptic or anything along those lines, because I remain undiagnosed, I cannot become a special student, meaning I will not receive any additional help or modifications to my education. My health problems have taken an incredible toll on my cognitive abilities, and it shows heavily in my school work. As a college student, I cannot afford to be floundering, let alone failing.

I used to have a near photographic memory. Now, I can't tell you what I did 2 hours ago.

I haven't made any art in 6 months. I don't have the energy or the insight. I'm supposed to be working on a piece for an art show, and I haven't even drawn mock-ups. I have a few ideas, but nothing close to a finished product.

Today, I joined a gym. If you know anything at all about me, you'd know that I despise all methods of physical activity. There's a reason my bed is so warm and cozy. There's a reason treadmills are neither. Unfortunately, because of these ongoing health problems, I have to work out. My body aches, my calves are always on the edge of a charlie's horse, I've put on some weight, and I'm beyond weak. If the doctor's can't give me answers, I officially have to start trying to be healthy. Working out included. Eating healthy also included.

I'd honestly rather die.

In order to convince myself to go, I joined the nicest gym in the area. TVs on every machine, huge pool, hot tub, sauna, the works. If I have to be there, I want to at least sort of like being there. I also see many massages in my future.

Now I must clean my house (or pretend to). I feel like I'm not allowed to have any fun this weekend.

Sleep, Don't Weep

Firstly, I want to apologize for the length of my last post. I attempted to warn readers with the title, but I'm sure it was not nearly enough warning. To those of who you who read the whole thing, I am impressed.

Secondly, I have a package of Jesus band aides (which I acquired at the General Store in Spring Green), which is where I got the title for my last blog from. That being said, none of my band aides have baby Jesus on them; just full grown Jesus. Are there band aides that feature the entire cast from the Last Super? I would buy them. I will buy anything sacrilegious.

Now, on to the point.

As mentioned in my last blog (mixed in with a million other things), I was tested for a variety of sleep disorders this past week. It was quite an experience. I truly did not prepare myself properly. Upon arriving, I met the women who would be assisting and monitoring me during my tests. Both were very nice, but did not warn me. How was I to know? Perhaps google, but that is besides that point. If you are going to put glue all over my hair and head, I feel you should tell me first. That's right, glue.

During my EEG, I had to wear a cap of sorts, constructed from 256 electrodes. A gel was then placed under the electrodes so they would make better contact with my dome. I did not know the gel would turn to a firm glue. The next morning, when the test was over, and the cap removed, I was covered in crusty glue and circular indents that made it appear as though I was attacked by an octopus. It took me two days to get all the glue out of my hair and off of my skin (as my head was not the only place the electrodes were).

Here are some photos, as proof:

The test went well beyond the glue though. Everyone was lovely, especially when I would ask if I fell asleep, as that is part of my problem. I will fall asleep, and not entirely realize I was asleep until I see the clock and it's several hours later. The women seemed a bit confused when I'd ask if I'd fallen asleep as they were waking me. I suppose most people would be confused by this. It isn't a normal response, to say the least.

I will receive the results of my test on Friday, and go from there. Although I would love to hear that I'm totally fine, if a bit drowsy, I know that isn't the case. My sleep habits are bizarre, and have taken a critical toll on my daily life, as well as my school work. It's been very difficult for me to function on a typical level, and I'm hoping to receive some good news on Friday. Good news being that there is something happening, but we can fix it.

Until then, I will continue to nap throughout the day, and enjoy my warm bed.